More often than not this phrase is thought of in the context of a wedding ceremony, however, when you are somewhat socially challenged it can take on a whole new meaning.
You see that person across the room and are intregued and attracted to thier laugh and how they lean back slightly when deeply amused, the way they stand, the interested expression on thier face when listening to someone elses story. You notice someones striking eyes and wish you could talk just to gaze into them.
Perhaps its a cluster of people that just look like they are having a grand ol time together and you desperately wish you had the guts to join them, without feeling like the most retarded individual. I was an outsider and felt I had no right to claim a place as an insider.
When I was young I called myself a people watcher. One who enjoys the quiet, yet possibly profound hobby of observing members of the human race and thier interactions with one another.
In retrospect I realize that I had politely catergorized myself so as not to accept the fact that I was, insecure and shy coupled with a low self esteem and that these caused me to be a spectator in my own life.
My elementry years were a torment and it is always said that when one has an enemy that they should know them. Know thier strengths and weaknesses. So that is what I did. I watched and gathered data and became adept at analysing the wants, needs and abilities of people.
Now you may ask, how did this ever serve me? Well, it put me on the map. The popular people, even through highschool began to ask my advice on how to get a particular guy or girl to notice them or why a certain person had changed thier attitude toward them or even what was up with the star athlete and why were they struggling with thier performance.
The answers would vary and others would confide in me thier most intimate secrets and tales.
Now I was no gossip but I certainly gained the knack of conveying the needs of someone and how to possibly meet those needs, thereby making one stand out in anothers life.
Now I'm 38 and totally absorbed with the craziness of my life but still, I find my analytical tools still handy in day to day life.
Am I still a little socially challenged? Yes, but I'm much better at it hiding it now!!
Love,
Lola
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